Lovey-Dovey-Crap

Dearest Crush,

Please, mind it. Because I need to convince myself about those stuffs.

Answer me, when I ask you.

I wonder,

Did I really do the thing; told you everything that happened between me and my ex-boyfriend then?

Did it really happen; you stayed beside me, while I was crying next to you?

Were it just my imagination, or you were really holding me, and I just kept shuting my mouth, thinking about my relationship with him?

Did you worried about me, when I was going crazy, after I quarelled with him?

How did you feel when you knew that my story with him was over?

Were you serious when you asked me to be yours?

You weren't kidding when you told me that you love me, were you?

You know that I'm rude, such a heart-breaker, great pretender, right?

But you still love me after knowing these shits, don't you?

You realize that I can't read your mind, yea?

So, please answer me, honestly.

I'm not a mind reader.

I need to know these answers,

Because you'd made me crazy about you, a lot.

I've told you that I do like you,

Will you believe that?

Will you believe every single crap I say?

Will you trust me if I say, 'I just wanna be with you, nothing else'?

Then, will you hold my heart close with yours?

Keep it for your lifetime?

Will you always remember how it feels when we're holding each other hands?

Will you always want me to hold you?

Will you always need me to stand beside you?

Tell me that you will, and it's true.

You've promised me that you'll always be around,

you told me that you'll never leave me, never hurt me.

And so you told me that you'll always be my lover, be the one that I'll always need,

that you're the only that I will spend my lifetime with.

You won't break the vow, right?

You won't waste any faith that i've given to you, will you?

Answer me.

Tell me if you will, because I don't wanna lose you.

I don't wanna feel any loss, not anymore.

I wanna be the one that you need,

I wanna be the one that you want.

Kinda selfish, huh?

Please, understand.

I just wanna ensure, you will get the girl that would take care of you, for sure,

The one that never push herself to be the best for the guy she loved,

But the girl that always try to be the right one for you; me.

The last thing,

Sorry.

If I forced you a lot,

and love you this much.

This Happens If I Really Like You

Kemana pikiranku?
Kemana hatiku saat kamu ada di sisi,
mendengarkan setiap detil kesahku.

Siapa dalam hatiku?
Nama siapa yang kusebut ketika aku berkisah penuh cita padamu,
sementara kamu mati-matian memendam sejumlah sayatan di balik senyummu.

Pada siapa amarahku tertuju?
Untuk siapa tiap tetes airmata yang luruh seiring aku mendekap luka di hadapmu,
satu yang tahu benar kerapuhanku.

Apa yang telah kuberikan?
Apa yang pernah kulakukan hingga suatu saat kamu pernah memintaku mengiringimu menjejak,
meluapkan semua rasa yang secara rapi kamu simpan sekian lama.

Darimana semua sifat sabarmu?
Mengapa begitu banyak perhatian yang dapat membuatku membiarkan kamu menelusup memasuki setiap sel otakku, menyita pikiranku,
hingga aku lelah berontak, membiarkanmu mengambil hatiku dan menyimpannya.

Dengan tulus, aku menghadapi fakta dan menjalani yang ada saat ini.
Bahwa kini aku berusaha meyakinkan diriku, kamulah hadiah-Nya untukku, penunjuk setiap jalanku.
Kamu satu yang harus sanggup menjagaku, tidak akan pernah melukaiku.
Kamu yang akan membawaku menjadi sesosok yang lebih baik.
Bahwa kamu yang kelak mampu menguatkanku, memapahku ketika sesekali aku akan terjatuh, mengobati ketika suatu saat aku terluka.

Mauku, aku sanggup seterusnya memahamimu.
Inginku, aku yang hingga pada akhirnya tetap menemanimu.
Sampai titik kekuatan terakhirmu, masih aku yang jadi kebutuhanmu.
Dan semoga aku selalu dapat melakukan sesuatu yang berarti buatmu.

Satu lagi pesan dan inginku,
If someday, something bad happen to you, you have nothing to worry,
Sebab setelah badai selalu ada orang yang datang sebagai hangat cahaya dan membelaimu.
Aku ingin orang itu selamanya aku.